Hello my friends! Thanks for catching up with me and what's been going on in my life this past year. I have refreshed my website and with that I just want to give myself some space to keep everyone updates, as well as give myself a place to work through my thoughts! I have been promising myself for a while that I'd get this website rolling, not just for clients, but also as a place to put my thoughts out there. Hell, I'm not even sure if people read blogs that much anymore, but better late than never!

Let's dive into my 2021! 

2021 was a gritty one. It was full of just 'pushing through' and trusting in past promises received.

There's that time when you realize that your external world is just not matching your internal world. You have all of this stuff you want to do, this ideal place you want to live, these people you want to be around and none of it is being actualized in the real-world that your feet are standing in. These seasons have always taught me a lot. They've taught me a lot of patience and extremely important lessons. But at some point I just decided that I didn't want the story of my life to be about "getting there", rather I wanted it to be about "being there". So I began shifting my mindset from getting somewhere, to being where I am, and to align the feelings of where I am to the same feelings as if I were there right now. From there it is like the "there" began to just fall into place and things began shifting.

Scarcity mindset ruled the first 28 years of my life. I am 29 now.

I have read all these success stories from entrepreneurs and business people. Many of them had to endure a few gritty years. 2021 was my gritty year.

This year was the make or break year. The year of having no excuses because I didn't have to share my dream with a full-time job I didn't enjoy. My full-time job was turning my dreams into reality and living the life I wanted to live through remote work and freelancing. So when I found clients starting to trickle in, but my life become more miserable, I had to make another shift. The money was finally coming in, but I was extremely stressed out. I'm sure some of these lessons just come with the territory of starting a business, but I wanted to shift my mindset as soon as possible so that moving forward I could ENJOY my work instead of hustle myself to exhaustion.

January 1st, 2021 I officially wasn't unemployed anymore. For this who don't know, I lost my job in 2020 during COVID's initial wave. I basically spent 2020 resting, breaking down, reassessing my life, changing, and then slowly but surely start my web development business. I was living my dream lifestyle but without the money coming in. This year was about changing my perception of money, learning how to value myself, and developing my skills as a freelance developer.

In 2021 I embraced core changes to my philosophy and religious upbringing.

The end of 2020 was when I first met grandmother Ayahuasca and it essentially served as a catalyst for 2021.

My whole life took place inside of a religious box. This year I welcomed new points of view that I have demonized my whole life. I looked at them from a new perspective and worked through all of the judgements and lessons that were invoked inside of me. It was such a profound year of self realization and awareness.

Socially and politically our world has become so divided. You are either this or you are that. You are on this side or that side. Left or Right, right or wrong---whatever. I want to live and speak in a way that can transcend this white noise that is our current culture--this bickering amongst us. I have opinions about things. I've made that clear on Instagram. But my spirit's intent is not to create more division. I want everyone to have the freedom to stand up for what they think is true--but also to allow themselves to be challenged by themselves and others.

“Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden. I will meet you there." -Rumi

If we live through years and years of our lives without being open enough to listen to others' perspectives, and find that we haven't changed our mind about a core belief of ours or two--- I believe we are doing it all wrong. 2021 was a year of humility for me. I was experiencing the same judgement from others that I had been dishing out my whole life, and I had to own that.

I finally started prioritizing "me time".

Well it took a while to get to this place, lol. But I basically had no choice because I became so desperate for mental, spiritual, and physical health. Grinding for so long and believing in unseen realities and futures gets exhausting. This year contained hundreds of walks on my nearby greenway where I listened to hours and hours of East Forest, Delia Chariker, Big Wild, and Trevor Hall. I gave myself love and battled with my demons. I survived quite a few panic attacks around finances and if we would ever "get there".

I embraced help from plant medicines.

In some of my darkest moments--God showed up through psilocybin experiences. No worries if you are on the fence about how you feel about it. I would check out some of the clinical trials surrounding psylocibin and how it is helping those with anxiety and depression. It also creates space for incredible "Mystical experiences" or experiences with God. In these moments--one of them being in my hammock by a river in the Western Carolina mountains during Kathryn and my 5 year anniversary trip... I was encouraged in such a profound way and given an invitation to trust in the Universe (or God, or whatever) that truly everything was going to be okay. That is oversimplifying of course... I mean what really happened was that I went through an entire life cycle. I was living.. then I began to feel ALL of the anxiety around my new business and all of my fears-- until I died on a street corner with my family (resembling my worst fear imaginable). I then awoke brand new out of my cocoon as a butterfly (which was physically represented by my hammock lol). I then walked around as if it were my first time walking in my life. I then went back to my hammock and saw everything from a brand new lens, with all of the optimism that a child might have. I was shown new ways that I could monetize my business and think about finances altogether. Plenty more happened but that was the gist, and in the coming weeks my business exploded. I just melted into my worst fears, became one with them so there was no more separation or fear surrounding them to begin with, and then used it as a launching pad for my new self that was now less obstructed by that fear.

We moved to Austin Texas.

Here we are now in Austin, Texas. Truth is... we just left Raleigh, NC. We are staying at an Airbnb for a while to feel out Austin and so far we love it! But I can't say we have OFFICIALLY moved to Austin yet, although it is looking like it! We have a short trip coming up to Mexico, and then a longer trip to Ecuador coming up. We are getting back to our dreams, our current living space has increased x2, and I just had the highest paying month of my career x2. I have surrounded myself with incredibly inspirational men here in Austin who are working out together on Thursday mornings. They also host growth workshops and activations. It has been incredible and I am so thankful that some of the internal stuff that has always been there, now has a home and other souls around me who share the same passions.

2022 has some exciting things coming up, as discussed in the last section. I'm really excited about it, but I first had to properly honor 2021 for what it was. Truly the most transformational and growth oriented year of my life. Thank you 2021 for being you and shaping me into who I am today! If any of this resonated with you and you want to shout out or ask me any questions, email me at ryanbrownmedia@gmail.com

-rb

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